I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
