dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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