I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
