So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
