I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
