Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
