I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
