if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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