we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
