lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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