i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
