Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
