I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
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My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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