I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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