I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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