in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
