i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
