I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
