It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
