I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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