Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
