Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
