I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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