Don't make out with my wife yet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
