so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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