oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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