Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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