she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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