I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
