Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
