I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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