Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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