I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
