I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
