I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
