I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
