I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Your cock deserves a montage
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
