i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
