I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
