Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
