I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
