My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
