I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
