Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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