i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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