Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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