Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
