As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
