new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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