I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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