hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
