I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
