I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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