I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
