Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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