Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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