I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
