New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
