we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
