That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
